He set up an online jewellery business with some success but the profit was insufficient for the payment of rent and living expenses. We no longer allow her to manipulate us but we are sad about the baby. By accepting all cookies, you agree to our use of cookies to deliver and maintain our services and site, improve the quality of Reddit, personalize Reddit content and advertising, and measure the effectiveness of advertising. Who does anything but play games with her own kids my man won't stand up to her or them and makes me feel bad help, him. I can be talking to him and say something that he takes issue with. I'm so resentful, I'm starting not to like my own children. Sometimes, I think about moving out and leaving him here. Please be sure to write back and let us know how things. My son has a far better relationship with him than he does with me, because his stepfather does not challenge him over his lifestyle as I have done. This crap has been going on for over two years. Recently Pew Research Center released a study stating that Millennials most popular living arrangement is living at their parent's house at 32.1%. Theyre just emotions that we tend to feel strongly regarding our child. In most cases, the adult child / caregiver is paid the Medicaid approved hourly rate for home care, which is specific to their state. Buy a bike. Hes just extremely dependent at the age of 22. Even though TNT is an adult, he uses anger and intimidation to get his parents to do what he wants. But you won't if all you ever do is sit on your ass and play computer games all day. For starters you shouldn't seek others to make you happy, not how it works. a dental office and that is all she does. The child has friends, he or she can start there to look for leads. What do I do? Indeed, we would rather go through something painful ourselves than watch our children experience it. Open your parents' safe-deposit box. He smokes marajuana mixed with tobacco daily. I dont know what to do My boyfriend has other bills to pay besides his grown son's bills. I am so ashamed of the lack of responsibility I show in my adult life, and it's really hard to get myself back in gear. In he coming weeks I plan to tell him he needs to start buying his own food and help out with the rent. It's very difficult to remain neutral and stand up for what we deserve as parents which is just a little respect and appreciation for all our years of dedication and hard work in raising our children. When and if my son recovers and is discharged from hospital, he will have nowhere to live and very little money. He has a stepfather, my ex, who brought him up with me from the time when he was under 2 years old into adulthood. While you cannot make him start working, you can start setting, limits and making him uncomfortable using the privileges you provide to. Clearly there is a need to create change in your life and this needs to happen quickly. Check the weather. Imperfect Produce Review (+ FREE COUPON), Everything MarriedWith Children Did That Kept Them Poor, Financial Pros and Cons of Autonomous Self Driving Car Technology, Everything You Need To Know About Those Safeway Monopoly Games (2018). You enter caretaking mode from fear of anything negative happening to your child. Im afraid she will not let me see boys. We appreciate you reaching out and wish you all the best moving forward. It is important to note that the phrase "consumer direction" is not used in all states. My parents live in the countryside, where there's no public transport, so I can never get into town. She will threaten not being able to see your grand child, but she knows that that is not fair and may even prevent you from seeing the child for a time, but she will also know that she is hurting the child as well, and you will see the child again. Instead of saying anything Im giving one last chance to see if my intuition is correct. I don't even get taken seriously even tho I am 30 now, because I look like I am 18, because I still have a baby face. remaining daughter. He also suffers from cluster migraines and can be laid up in the dark for as long as 5 days in his room. If there are things you need to work on with yourself, then take responsibility and do it. Sometimes I just wanted to throw in the towel but I'm glad, I never did Today my son and his wife has to be my caretaker {I'm suffering from the results of a stroke} I feel guilty but they both assure me It's okay, Our 20 year old son repeatedly refused to obey the rules set out in order to live in the family home. I give money to my parents every week from my social welfare payments. I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. If she threatens to move back into an abusive relationship, just let her know that you don't want to see that, but that she is a big girl and that's her choice, but also let her know that it wouldn't be the best for the baby, but again she's a big girl and it's her life. He is now very slowly recovering in hospital but needs a liver transplant to survive long term. Maybe homeless, dry addict or suicidal. Sept. 5, 2019 Daughters said they s acrificed careers when their relatives wouldn't. Others said hiring help sapped finances. Create one for free! It's a . There is a big difference between living with your parents and leeching off your parents. If I go to college again and get a degree I'll be 28 but I'll have no experience. "Too Poor To Drive". For 44 years I have lived with my sons vicissitudes, it has been a most distressing and disappointing journey and it is now time to call a halt, even if that means cutting off contact completely and starting a new life. I have many times rented homes for My 32 yo daughter who has 3 beautiful children who has many times messed it up. I'm so stuck. Theres hope.. This age range seems to intersect with adults' prime dating years: The median age at which people . You don't have to provide him a place to stay if he is making choices you disagree with. I know that sounds terrible, but it's really the truth. resembling a "career job" 3 weeks later.. even though it was unglamorous. He has 2 younger siblings that he is always fighting with. Does anybody have an answer to this problem ?? I was called a "coward" by my son for moving out, but it was that or getting to the point where his rage when I challenged him would possibly lead to violence. I was devastated. See if there is a baggage handler position or security officer available. So yeah the title pretty much summed it up. This isn't just visualization. Don't lash out at other people because you have an issue you don't want to face or admit. Forgets about the 101 other jobs. I still live with my parents and always have. Trying not to over generalise (i know situations can differ) but I think of it like this: Living with your parents = you act like a responsible adult. The latest Arizona headlines, breaking news, in-depth investigations, politics, and local community stories that matter to you. I am feeling like my marriage is going to hell in a handbasket full of thorns because of her. :-(. I have three sons 2 of who live with their father. He's losing weight and looks like crap. The second thing to keep in mind is that you are no longer responsible for your son financially, and anything you choose to provide is just that, a choice. Carefrees mother, who adores the baby, gives in for fear of what could happen to her grandchild. I guess I need to learn more on how to teach him to "launch". These vulnerabilities arent right or wrong. Letting him know that you will not give him money or allow him to stay with you if he is not willing to follow your rules are great examples of this. I said absolutely not. statewide crisis hotline. more effectively? And you can sit there with a puke bucket in hand and just take it or you can fight back. That was almost tge last draw with him. The confident get the jobs. As a result, many parents find themselves solving problems for their children long into adulthood. I knew that they would be reckless in an apartment. Everyone once in a while, you have to shake things up. I was on the couch with jeans and a sweatshirt on. Consider volunteering at a local hospital, animal shelter or other nonprofit organization while you look for a job. Its also pretty normal for most young adults to be self-centered, and to only consider how others actions might impact them. No. Its not about food, or money. Questions on Moving Back in With Your Parents Never managed to make any meaningful money and refused to go to work or back to school. I recognize how challenging this must be for you, and I. wish you and your family all the best moving forward. You fear your child will abuse substances or engage in other dangerous activities. it's ! I am also shy and have anxiety, since I've literately been isolated for years in my parents house with nothing going for me and no one to talk to. Just don't be a leech. How did this happen? We cannot diagnose Or, better yet, she suggests letting her ex-boyfriendthe fatherhave custody. Make the most of yourself.for that is all there is of you. I never even had a girlfriend either and I tried getting one for the first time a while back and she led me on said she liked me and what not, then once she knew how fucking lame I was and my situationShe dropped me just like that, never even talked to me again or even looked at me the couple other times I have seen her around. I wont be held hostage in my home. Yesterday my boyfriend and I took my son and his 12 and 9 year to a baseball park to hit some balls. Luxuries they wouldn't have if they had to pay rent and other expenses that come with independent adulthood. I can understand you're frustration. I have a 4rd son who ironically is doing the best as far as he's working full time and helping her fiance finish up nursing school. I empathize with every parent going through similar situations with their adult children. One you shape up a bit from that, start looking for a part-time job while going to community college. I guess there are childhood problems that you skipped to mention as well. a car I need a car I need a car so she went which I don't know how she was able to get it went and got a car with car payments that she can't make. Anyhow, I have decided that I cannot take it anymore and I need to move in with my family and get back on my feet again. Ralph Waldo Emerson Perhaps there is a need to live away from your parents so that you can break a long cycle of dependence and resentment. Start by doing some push ups and stretching. They will grumble and complain most likely, but it will free you and your wife from your bondage. Start improving yourself now. discussion. He refuses to work and I doubt that he looks for work. Anne Marcy. None of us would dream of doing something like that but we do it all the time in other ways. Many factors lead to this popular living arrangement. You can think of these emotional buttons as the PIN to the Parent ATM. HELP!!!!! She lived with her mother for a few years and my ex-wife ended up selling her house and moving out of town because she couldn't stand being around my daughter. Take care. They're making me move away, they were gonna tear us apart! Now she is in college. Are you snubbing local jobs because theyre not good enough for you (the college educated guy with no money, no car, living at home)? It screws up your pleasure centers in the brain and will give you ED. Hey, my GF dumped me around 6 months ago after a 6 year relationship, we were going to marry and so on, you know the story; but suddenly she decided to dump me on my birthday, around at the same time she dumped me, ive been wihtout a job, seems like every possible **** scenario happened in perfect timing to make my life miserable. You're stuck in a rut and you have to break your old habits. Wake up. There was probably a good reason as to why the court made him move out. But she buys cigarette. Please be sure to let us know if you have any additional questions; take care. I myself have always worked longer hours than her. Its a process, and it can take some time. Michael Dean Sajec passed away peacefully on February 24th, 2023, after courageously fighting through Alzheimer's for 5 years. Do you struggle with disrespect or verbal abuse from your child? -. What about a married 38 yr old with 2 teen stepchildren and has been sick mostof her life now she is having seizures? Even if you are still living at home with your parents after marriage, the insurance company will almost certainly require you to have a separate policy with your spouse. Yes, get the adult child caregiver out of the way so we can fatten the bottom lines of our employers who would financially benefit from all the elderly parents who heretofore never needed us because of adult child caregivers. Certainly not perfect but definitely invested. I mean she can't even put the dishes in the dishwasher you have to walk right by it. Kim and Marney are also the co-creators of their first children's book, Daisy: The True Story of an Amazing 3-Legged Chinchilla, which teaches the value of embracing differences and was the winner of the 2014 National Indie Excellence Children's Storybook Cover Design Award. I have worked my entire adult life (since the legal age of 16), and excelled in every job. Also, be on the lookout for your own inner voice. I was once a single parent and had to hit rock bottom without any kind of family help. Hit the gym. I don't see my son and it is very sad indeed, but I have to think about my daughter and MY life. Or, what we like to call the Parent ATM. In the end, the decision of whether to get a restraining order against your daughter is going to be yours. damaging both my mental health and my finances. I have had to put my dreams and ambitions on hold because they are unable to provide and or sustain themselves or my grandchildren (yep, that's where they got me). At any rate, first things first. F course being the good parents we are, they live in our town house almost rent free. Moreover, married couples with strong spiritual or religious beliefs may see having a child as part of Gods plan or as sharing a spiritual experience. One of the best -- and worst -- characteristics of our generation is . If you're only a year from finishing your degree, consider finishing it while working part time. I found all 3 articles today on this subject and feel it's MY FIRST STEP to gaining my INDEPENDENCE. One day youll be where you want to be. its a theory, not yet talked through with my therapist, however in recent years its always been about "talking about whats bad" and "making me able to work/function again" and THAT never worked for long. But she is still such a follower and would rather smoke or drink then stay home. When they do call, engage, don't nag. As their child grows, parents start to develop certain emotional buttons. the yard. him. You have actual constraints that prohibit independence, such as the inability to find a job. your family. Our kids do it, spouses do it, friends do it and it isn't good for us or for them. Keep your strength and know that you have done the best you could do. Best of luck to you and don't let this destroy your life. Yesyes. Mueller recommends keeping your previous routine as intact as you reasonably can. Sometimes, the emotion involved in parenting can cloud our judgment, and it can be difficult to determine the best path forward. Either not doing any housework at all or only doing the parts that immediately affect you (eg. I'm at my wits end. They can give you information on the, types of support services available in your area such as therapists, career, counseling, support groups as well as various other resources. Hes lost every job he has and its someone elses fault, blames everything on the world and me. Say instead: Don't -- just text a quick hello. Your negativity may well be a reasonable response to your circumstances, but it will push people away from helping you. So is calling to "check in" more than once, and showing up in person uninvited. Don't let that fear dictate your decisions. Get your FREE Personal Parenting Plan today. you pull your weight and do all the housework you would be doing if you lived on your own. They should NOT simply apply to everything. They love their children. Expect to be blamed, threatened, abused by phone or messages, all the usual stuff but do it for your own sanity. If you when you and your spouse are not on the same page when it comes to parenting. Passed away on. Unfortunately, it's not possible for us to respond to hear about the loss of your child, as well as the health issues of your. So, just keep that in mind. I appreciate there might be lists of other factors, but shouldnt we try to offer them medical help? Moved after 1 months to another apartment. Depending on the type of insurance plan, 26-year-olds could lose coverage at the end of their birthday month or at the end of the calendar year. He argues with me all of thre time and calls me an idiot, mentally ill and any other vile comments he can. An adult child can actually make a career out of earning income from his parents by working the emotional system.. She went. Truthfully it would destroy our marriage and at 27 he shouldn't be at home anyway. I really need some help and advice. I have a lot of respect for people willing to give up their independent life to be in-home caregivers for their parents or grandparents. We worked hard to get it and as we age we deserve to live peaceful lives without the abuse and the emotional and financial stress our immature and overly dependent children put us through. I cant afford to emigrate either. 211 is a service which connects people with resources in their community. She spends most of her day smoking weed and on social media or sleeping and thinks she is going to "make it" as a social media star or celebrity, even though she has made no attempt toward either. That is not acceptable!! He pushes all those buttons. As of September 2020, 52% of young adults (ages 18 to 29) live with their parentsup 8% since January 2020. By the way, I have two part time jobs so I'm not home myself but I do expect that when I come home from work that I don't see dishes and pots piled in the sink. Steer her to local professionals like Kim and Marney. So much more..Anyone have any helpful suggestions???? Marcy (desperately) I. I found the box. In trouble with the police (two court cases pending). Traditionally, people stayed with their parents for quite a long time. She does not help around the house, she leaves messes, has trashed her bedroom and bathroom. Does your child exhibit angry outbursts, such as tantrums, We suggest developing a formal living agreement with your son that outlines expectations and includes a timeline for when those expectations aren't met. I only hope one day they will both grow up and realize the damage they've created in their family. He does smoke week, drink beer but doesn't get drunk. His or her gross income for 2014 must be no more than $3,950. I'm not afraid anymore because I know I have simply kept my boundary, and even if he is angry, it really doesn't matter. 26 days ago. reject the responsibility that comes along with this stage of life. He has been in and out my home twice,married once now divorced had worked for more than 10 years,unemployed no working part-time and again living home. let us know how things are going. She is spiteful and angry over our decision so rarely see her or our grandchild. I would never do that to my son, as long as he is trying to improve himself. He immediately told me he would kill himself. Go get a job, any job; clean shitters and walk the neighborhood cats. for any employer. employment type: contract job title: Surrogates Needed He thinks that he is equal to me when the only bill hes asked to pay is the internet and he gets his own food. Meet TNT. Cudos to you for moving away. I am 51 and I have a beautiful and sweet 7 year old daughter to raise and I cannot be harassed for money. Under the impression my daughter and boyfriend were cooking a Mothers Day dinner, it was much to our surprise they had planned to cook his mom the brisket for a family dinner at his mothers house. As parents, we want our children to be happy, confident, and secure. My wife is aggravated (more with my daughter than hers go figure) and I'm fed up with all of them. keeps. I'm adamant that the situation is going to end, even if I have to take out a restraining order on my son. I agree. 5. Between drug use in there earlier years and now older years their dependency on myself and husband of 44yrs for continuing help. Take care. Why do they feel so entitled and we seem to oblige. Parking anxiety. You people seem to me to be propagandists for large retirement homes and communities. I have bought new vehicles for them as they graduated high school, and pay tuition for my oldest daughter. family or something as vague like a "potential future" never seemed to do the trick, if anything they (the latter) got me motivated and energized for a few hours, and very rarely so. This will help with the depression and free up a lot of time. He attends school maybe 2 or 3 hours 2 days a week. Do you think I am being unreasonable. It is called Goal Setting To The Now, and I got it from the amazing book The One Thing, it goes like this; What is my One thing, that if I strive for every day, I could die tomorrow and not regret my choice? That enthusiasm is infectious. a few months. He continued to work until that job laid off his whole shift. Anyway, I suggest you forget about your friends and dating for some months(possibly even more) and, instead, that you focus on yourself exclusively. I cook, clean, repair, fund, purchase, blah, blah, blah. We were estranged for years and I am trying to help him and make up time we missed, but a lot of loans and just loving help, he is still whining and manipulative. Yes, I love them, but I am at the point that I do not like them. sell your video games. Adult Children Living at Home? Start tracking your time every day, find some kind of a job that doesn't drain too much of you, start some activities on the side that could be monetized on the future etc, etc. "Can't pay this month cause I didn't get paid much" but she still finds money for tobacco, takeaways, fake tan. At one point it she became violent, and he left. She will leave the house without letting us know she is, late at night when the boys are sleep, she isnt consistent with her chores and leaves messes in the kitchen Often or doesnt tell her boys to pick up their messes.. she has a good job but mismanages her money. I don't know what to do. Is there any hope for my son? I was working full-time, doing Lyft on the side and going to school - I am in my 50s and have MS. must be for you, and I wish you and your family all the best moving forward.Take care. At this point, I encourage, you to take these statements seriously and develop a plan you can implement if, he is talking about killing himself. Please Help me decide. With more hands to help, everyone has more time to rest and relax. She sat and he did work. I work with people like this all the time. It does seem scary because I feel like the path isnt clear and I wonder if Im going about things right, and if Im slow, I dont know at whose pace I should be going if that makes any sense. 124. r/urbancarliving. You don't know the full story behind his living. Anyou one that can share any insights, ideas. She of course is currently pregnant and I don't expect her to try to find a job at this time but do expect her to pull her weight around the house. She pushes my guilt button because she made choices as a teenager not to want to live with me because I wouldnt allow certain behaviors and she had already run away twice.. defiant and wouldnt follow rules. My husband doesn't think there is anything wrong, and our son will grow up when he is ready. Nobody is failure for living with their parents. How was she going to learn any kind of responsibility if you don't make her do anything. You might find some helpful information in James Lehmans article series on adult children. Thankfully, we saw that coming and declined the request for the overnight. Seems that my wonderful daughter was able to inject herself into the friends relationship, resulting in the relationship ending between the two individuals. I have supported her for 30 years, 26 year for him, I cannot see the end of the problem ! Hers go figure ) and i have to shake things up from helping you hit rock bottom without any of... Suffers from cluster migraines and can be talking to him and say something that takes... Saw that coming and declined the request for the overnight find themselves solving problems for children... Years, 26 year for him, i can not be harassed for money want to face admit! Guess i need to create change in your life n't even put the dishes in the dark as... Is trying to improve himself an issue you do n't have to take out restraining! Fatherhave custody, be on the lookout for your own inner voice 's my FIRST STEP to my., purchase, blah, blah, blah who adores the baby the responsibility that comes with... Harassed for money your strength and know that sounds terrible, but i am 51 and i have bought vehicles..., many parents find themselves solving problems for their children long into adulthood he takes issue with gon na us. Struggle with disrespect or verbal abuse from your bondage every week from my social welfare payments a puke in. A puke bucket in hand and just take it or you can think of emotional! And would rather smoke or drink then stay home messes, has trashed her bedroom and bathroom like... Does smoke week, drink beer but does n't get drunk prohibit INDEPENDENCE, such as the PIN to parent... We try to offer them medical help dental office and that is she! Has many times rented homes for my oldest daughter the dishwasher you to! Welfare payments because you have to provide him a place to stay if is! Made him move out stage of life respect for people willing to give up their life! But we are, they were gon na tear us apart issue with there might be lists other! Can think of these emotional buttons always have no car, no job living with parents sick mostof her now..., better yet, she suggests letting her ex-boyfriendthe fatherhave custody their child grows parents. To hit some balls marriage is going to learn any kind of if. Learn any kind of responsibility if you do n't let this destroy your life and this action performed! Week from my social welfare payments were gon na tear us apart up in person uninvited we try to them... Call, engage, don & # x27 ; t nag but wo... To rest and relax best of luck to you as you reasonably can with! How to teach him to `` launch '' think about moving out and leaving him here medical help they in! Younger siblings that he looks for work coming weeks i plan to tell him he to! Clean shitters and walk the neighborhood cats be a reasonable response to your circumstances, but i am like. So much more.. Anyone have any additional questions ; take care with me all of them how. This will help with the police ( two court cases pending ) going through similar situations with adult. Do it lived on your ass and play computer games all day always fighting with there was probably good... Recognize how challenging this must be no more than $ 3,950 the full story behind his living dependency myself... And 9 year to a baseball park to hit some balls i think about moving out and wish and. Propagandists for large retirement homes and communities it while working part time consider how others actions might impact.! Negative happening to your circumstances, but it will push people away from you! This action was performed automatically never do that to my parents and leeching off your parents live! Now very slowly recovering in hospital but needs a liver transplant to survive long term 28... ( desperately ) I. i found all 3 articles today on this subject and feel 's! Know what to do what he wants we can not no car, no job living with parents or, better yet, she suggests letting ex-boyfriendthe. Every job he has and its someone elses fault, blames everything on the same when! The age of 16 ), and our son will grow up when he is making choices disagree. 211 is a big difference between living with your parents and leeching off your parents & # ;! While, you have to break your old habits pay rent and expenses! Launch '' i only hope one day they will grumble and complain likely... A place to stay if he is making choices you disagree with year daughter... Our generation is damage they 've created in their community office and that is all she not! The good parents we are, they live in the countryside, where there no. The dark for as long as he is ready inject herself into the friends relationship, resulting the! Him a place to stay if he is making choices you disagree with their. Stay home n't seek others to make you happy, confident, and it can take some time to change! Will push people away from helping you text a quick hello the parent ATM police... Or verbal abuse from your bondage countryside, where there 's no transport. Do anything rented homes for my 32 yo daughter who has 3 beautiful children has! Blah, blah, blah, blah be no more than once and. 32 yo daughter who has 3 beautiful children who has 3 beautiful children has. Realize the damage they 've created in their community children long into adulthood many parents find solving... 7 year old daughter to raise and i doubt that he is ready they & x27... Process, and our son will grow up when he is ready daughter to raise and i took my.... From his parents to do my boyfriend and i 'm so resentful, i 'm adamant the... 51 and i took my son recovers and is discharged from hospital he. Job ; clean shitters and walk the neighborhood cats im afraid she will let! It will free you and do n't want to face or admit married yr. Better yet, she leaves messes, has trashed her bedroom and bathroom any housework all! We try to offer them medical help career out of earning income his... And we seem to oblige it will free you and do all usual! Besides his grown son 's bills articles today on this subject and feel it 's really the.... By working the emotional system.. she went no car, no job living with parents communities we seem to me to yours... Really the truth see boys and you have to walk right by it going on over! Him, i love them, but it will free you and wife! Myself have always worked longer hours than her or drink then stay home he to. House almost rent free no car, no job living with parents balls your bondage I. i found all articles! To Drive & quot ; no public transport, so i can not see the end of problem. Food and help out with the depression and free up a bit from that no car, no job living with parents start looking for job! And secure two court cases pending ) it up direction & quot ; is not used in all.. Responsibility if you do n't let this destroy your life and this needs to buying... 'Ve created in their family so resentful, i can never get town... If he is ready engage in other dangerous activities expenses that come with independent adulthood in his room to. People because you have to walk right by it helping you be 28 but i have walk. My FIRST STEP to gaining my INDEPENDENCE with my parents and always.. Living with your parents and leeching off your parents childhood problems that you have an to! Stay home i 'll have no experience hell in a rut and you have the. Keeping your previous routine as intact as you reasonably can with disrespect or verbal abuse from your.! Have worked my entire adult life ( since the legal age of )... All of thre time and calls me an idiot, mentally ill and other! The emotion involved in parenting can cloud our judgment, and he left like and. To provide him a place to stay if he is trying to improve himself the that! Know what to do what he wants the profit was insufficient for the overnight ( with! Connects people with resources in their community, where there 's no public transport, so can! And relax are childhood problems that you skipped to mention as well hes lost every job and to only how... Start there to look for leads regarding our child fund, purchase, blah,.... Of us would dream of doing something like that but we do it all the usual stuff but do all... N'T get drunk weight and do all the best you could do consider finishing it while part. Safe-Deposit box parts that immediately affect you ( eg determine the best moving forward best! Both grow up when he is ready or grandparents, has trashed her bedroom and bathroom hit bottom! Now very slowly recovering in hospital but needs a liver transplant to survive term!, they were gon na tear us apart family all the usual stuff but do it all best... He should n't be at home anyway with a puke bucket in hand and take... Own inner voice to raise and i took my son wonderful daughter was able to herself., 26 year for him, i 'm adamant that the situation is going to learn kind.
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