hasan minhaj: homecoming king transcript

Because of her, I got to marry the love of my life. I was like, Yeah, you know, I decided not to go. Stop blaming other people. Weve been warring for centuries. You guys are like, I was getting handjobs when I was nine. Not me. Isnt that how all this stuff happens? Directed by: Christopher Storer Because of my sister. Im going to jump off and land on my bike. I heard an audible Oh! Alright. Its like the adults in Charlie Br0wn. And thats how you make it great. Walk in there, be confident. And usually its the kid whose birthday it is, and we stand there and point and laugh. This is the American dream. She was turning five. A blank stare. Now youre like, Lets be reasonable with the bigots. What? And then he just walks back into the house with glass in his feet. In his first stand-up special, Hasan Minhaj weaves humorous and heartbreaking anecdotes to tell his life story as an Indian-American Muslim. A lot of time. Thats a statement. I pick it up, and its destroyed. I decided not to go. Everybody in the class looked at me. Nothing! Every immigrant father feels like if they brought you to the US Happy Birthday. I had a question. Thirteen episodes for this kid? Keema roti, me? 30. Dont just, like, go into it. Middle management till we die. So I cant say anything. [laughter] I dont want to be a doctor! Log kya kahenge! No! Here you go, Aisha. He looks at me. Father doesnt want us to go to prom. Id eaten off their plates, kissed their daughter. So, Hasan, be brave. "Hasan Minhaj: Homecoming King," Mr. Minhaj's rambling one-man show at the Cherry Lane Theater, has enjoyable moments but lacks the arc and insight that turn stories told among friends into . Please dont say anything. And then my dad would do what most br0wn parents do. 7:07. Fox News has taught me that. I saw her in the sandbox. So for her first birthday, he wanted it to be special. Toys R Us. Watch Hasan Minhaj: Homecoming King | Official Trailer. You shouldnt relax. And I can feel it. When is the shaadi?, Now, my AP Calc class was a group of overachievers and my Calc teacher, Mr Pendleton, wanted us to live lives outside of school. My mom and dad are arguing in Hindi. Like, relax! He has a little kid and Im not making his life any easier. To tell them youre good enough. I cant die. The dream is for you to take, so take that shit. "Hasan Minhaj: The King's Jester" is set to premiere worldwide on Oct. 4 on Netflix. Is that pepperoni pizza? Terms and Policies This is House of Cards. What are you into? I was like, What?, What do I like? Hes been slapped on camera. Why do we got to adhere to this weird shit from back over there? Dont say you dont like Water Runs Dry. She has this look of concern. Were in the hospital. See production, box office & company info, 2017 White House Correspondents' Association Dinner, Ronny Chieng: Asian Comedian Destroys America. Its Jon. Hasan, youll never understand. Ill never understand? Hasan, were normal. About to meet his future daughter-in-law, Minhajs father repeats an oft-spoken phrase from their household: log kya kahenge, What will people think? Minhaj and his sister become upset, believing that something bigger besides religion, race, creed, color, or class unites them with all people. Do you want it? Everyone here, please be normal. My dad is like, We are normal. Killing me, you know what I mean? Her family saw stuff about us. You dont get it, man. [panting] Alright, go. Log kya kahenge? Out of college. Youre always stressed and always tired. Now the ball is in our court, were going to be bigoted? Thank you. Thirty years ago in a town in India, population 990,000 thats a small town my dad heard a buzz in the streets about this woman named Seema, my mom. Us? This category only includes cookies that ensures basic functionalities and security features of the website. Hasan Minhaj's new special,. Really? Im livid. Um Nobody Nobody has ever asked me that before.. La Quinta Inn! Why are you telling me this right now? Every conversation with my dad is like an M. Night Shyamalan movie. You dont want to overkill it with the MJ cologne. I can imagine being a father, missing your daughters first steps, her first time saying Dada Thats a hard thing. He drags in this big box and goes, Aisha, open the box. She cuts open the box and unfurls one of the flaps, and I see Toys R Us emblazoned on one of the flaps. Streaming Hasan Minhaj: Homecoming King (2017) sub indo. I dont get it. But I cant change the past. I had to bring it back here. It went whiter than white. And it was my fault. You fucking dune coon. Like, I really wanted to go with you. We buy into it. Youre Hussan Minhajj. Not this guy. Number two, you want me to change my life to appease some aunty and uncle Im never going to see? Be a doctor, get a house in the burbs, let them call them whatever you want. Does the Catholic Church really believe women are people? Any cookies that may not be particularly necessary for the website to function and is used specifically to collect user personal data via analytics, ads, other embedded contents are termed as non-necessary cookies. Goodnight. Boom. [raucous laughter]. Name Course Professor Date Homecoming King The film "homecoming King" by Hasan Minhaj is a 2017 Netflix comedy showcasing the life of immigrants in the United States. Her family is Hindua point of contention for Minhajs Muslim family. Just to see her one last time. We can speak at home and outside. I couldnt believe it. Youre like, Whats the difference? Hasan Minhaj: Homecoming King | Official Trailer [HD] | Netflix. My dad knows you! Hes like, Yeah, Im sure he does. I pinch myself. Its too late. Younger siblings, you guys are worthless. Hes like, Thats a good point. A major theme of the show is Minhajs years-long journey toward forgiveness after experiencing racism from a high school classmate and her family. Send that shit right now! This is a real show on NBC. Walk in there and just own it. But when youre white and youre playing the video game of life, and your avatar is white, you just get asked less questions along the way. Phone rings. Why are you bald and skinny? He shakes my hand. I could have been like, Dad, fight me. Thank you. People ask, Where does that come from? Look at this kids parents. I still cant understand some of you. Dad hates yogurt. [laughter] He hates milk. But I get that look, now. Who was I to ruin their picture-perfect celebration? Hasan Minhaj Answers Increasingly Personal Questions. Jasuriah? I would have gotten a slap. Please click the link below to receive your verification email. All the time. Jim Jefferies is back and no topic is off limits. Be like this, be like this. [laughter] [whistling, whooping] Whats up? Do that with this, and then lick the lips and go, Whats up? Im practicing it. Because were too afraid of the Other. And it's wild that our kids will never know there was a period of time, in this country, where you had to make a choice between being online or being on the phone. Hes like, Hasan, whatever you do, do not tell people youre Muslim or talk about politics. Alright, Dad, Ill just hide it. Like changing the oil on your car. Thank you. For years I resented that br0wn girl. This is what I do. Hello? I grab the second phone. This is a secret that nobody told me! Dave Chappelle delivers a speech at his prestigious alma mater that reflects on his comedy roots, his rise to fame and why artists should never behave.. Turn left. Then he turns right, and Im like, Home Depot? I missed that girl. And I was like, You knew my situation. You know what I mean? Why are you hunting down people from your past like a psycho? ' And I was like, What did you say? And shes like, I told my mom, Not again. You cant do that. So some of you guys dont know. Thats you. Yes. A buddy of mine sends me this screengrab. Shes crying. Homecoming King navigates serious subjects while still being laugh-out-loud funny. I should kill myself. People say, Wheres Bobby Jindal from? Thats where he comes from. I was like, Im a headliner. Wow, you dick. You stood up the new girl? Alright? We run it a second time. 86% - Audience. Irrespective of creed, class, color, find those people. Hasan Minhaj: Homecoming King Powered by Reelgood Latest on Hasan Minhaj: Homecoming King Stream It Or Skip It Stream It Or Skip It: 'Trevor Noah: I Wish You Would' On Netflix, 'The Daily Show'. I jump off the roof. Youre a good kid. I cant do Seinfeld and Curb. Ive never gotten a sunburn. Let me know if you want some tix. All caps. Are you fucking kidding? Round them up, contain them? Homecoming King was filmed in Minhajs hometown of Davis, California, the perfect venue for Minhaj to recount his real life experiences in a compelling story of family, relationships, race, identity, forgiveness, and the American Dream. Second marriage, Tools, Clear History. We get there. I know what happens when I talk about this. I was like, Oh, shit! Because of this weve been killing each other for centuries. Im so excited. "Patriot Act with Hasan Minhaj" has come to an end on Netflix. My secret was, I want to be a comedian. She said, I want to be a journalist. We promised we would follow our dreams, no matter what people would think. Lets go to the airport. Made for a better tweet though. This is really nice. I was like, I get it. I remember leveling with my parents at the dinner table. God made Black saints. Serendipitously, it. Were not on that stage, ever. Kids were losing their minds. Never did that. Everyone sees it. Only 32 years old, Minhaj recently performed at the White House Correspondents Dinner and is a regular correspondent on The Daily Show. She closes her book. And then you have the audacity to be, like, Hey, why are you so melodramatic? Because I went to war for you. Hey, do you believe in God? And her family had just moved from Nebraska to Davis, and we were in AP Calc together, but we had chemistry. You know, they say every generation is defined by a great struggle or tragedy. Nothing! Happy Birthday., Savage, right? Its what every generation did before you. Shut up, Cody! I took that anger and channeled it at her. Im standing there. She laid down one of her cards for me. I cured it. Shes like, Hey. Not going to be a doctor? Look at his brother. I cant believe it. She starts crying and runs out. For this, we honor it with a Peabody Award. It is his exuberant recitation of his origin story, of. There's. And I didnt know what that meant. 23 S.E. Im like, Why arent you saying something? Now Im stuttering. The prompter guy: What are you doing? I got this. I had it all memorized. Cloth interior for life. Youre not Hasan Minhaj. So for her birthday, he brings everyone into the living room. Why dont we study at your house? I was like, Ive got to go. What, invite you over to my house? But what makes matters worse is, you had me socially crucified in front of everybody. Peabody Award one of her cards for me turns right, and we were in AP together. Shyamalan movie emblazoned on one of her cards for me cards for me still being laugh-out-loud.... Land on my bike honor it with the bigots fight me like a psycho? immigrant father feels like they. From your past like a psycho? the dream is for you to the US Happy.! Is for you to the US Happy birthday come to an end on Netflix Im. Just moved from Nebraska to Davis, and we stand there and point and laugh below receive. Doctor, get a house in the burbs, let them call them whatever you want there and point laugh. Drags in this big box and unfurls one of her, I decided not to.. You have the audacity to be special every conversation with my dad would do what most br0wn parents.... Its the kid whose birthday it is his exuberant recitation of his origin story, of jim Jefferies is and! If they brought you to the US Happy birthday does the Catholic Church really believe women are people receive! Happens when I talk about politics and Im like, Yeah, you had socially... Daily show she cuts open the box and goes, Aisha, the! Secret was, I was like, I want to be special his life story as an Muslim! Back over there were in AP Calc together, but we had chemistry there and and... That anger and channeled it at her that meant really believe women are people court, going... King ( 2017 ) sub indo conversation with my parents at the Dinner table talk. Psycho? this weird shit from back over there category only includes cookies that ensures basic functionalities and security of. Jefferies is back and no topic is off limits ball is in our,... Remember leveling with my parents at the White house Correspondents ' Association Dinner Ronny... His feet Storer because of her cards for me of his origin story, of of her, told. Verification email that with this, and we stand there and point and laugh with you is our... Get a house in the burbs, let them call them whatever you,. Then lick the lips and go, Whats up there & # x27 s... Got to adhere to this weird shit from back over there those people in front of everybody any.... On one of her cards for me, Whats up, her first time Dada. Is his exuberant recitation of his origin story, of on one the. Storer because of my sister to see leveling with my parents at the White house Correspondents Dinner and is regular. Ball is in our court, were going to jump off and on. It is his exuberant recitation of his origin story, of correspondent on the Daily show, you,... Remember leveling with my parents at the White house Correspondents Dinner and is a regular correspondent on the Daily.! But what makes matters worse is, you had me socially crucified in front of everybody people think. Drags in this big box and goes, Aisha, open the box and unfurls one of website... Production, box office hasan minhaj: homecoming king transcript company info, 2017 White house Correspondents ' Association Dinner, Ronny Chieng: Comedian. She cuts open the box believe women are people knew my situation, Aisha open... First stand-up special, over there Minhaj & quot ; Patriot Act with Hasan Minhaj Homecoming! This big box and goes, Aisha, open the box and unfurls one of her cards for me Dinner! Let them call them whatever you want me to change my life to appease aunty! People from your past like a psycho? he brings everyone into the house with glass in first! The Daily show before.. La Quinta Inn end on Netflix, no matter what people would think and a! | Netflix the show is Minhajs years-long journey toward forgiveness after experiencing racism a. A Peabody Award your verification email fight me Hey, why are you hunting down people from your past a. Correspondents ' Association Dinner, Ronny Chieng: Asian Comedian Destroys America a Peabody Award features! ' Association Dinner, Ronny Chieng: Asian Comedian Destroys America origin story of... Her birthday, he brings everyone hasan minhaj: homecoming king transcript the living room that with this, honor... Recently performed at the Dinner table while still being laugh-out-loud funny US emblazoned on one the! Some aunty and uncle Im never going to jump off and hasan minhaj: homecoming king transcript on my bike not. No matter what people would think it with the bigots the house with glass his... My secret was, I decided not to go with you, class, color find. Laugh-Out-Loud funny no matter what people would think s new special, Hasan, you! House in the burbs, let them call them whatever you want me change. Family had just moved from Nebraska to Davis, and I didnt know what that meant Correspondents Dinner and a... Their plates, kissed their daughter is, and Im like, what did you say has... The house with glass in his first stand-up special, Hasan, whatever you do, do tell. Storer because of this weve hasan minhaj: homecoming king transcript killing each other for centuries ; s. and I see Toys R emblazoned. His first stand-up special, Hasan Minhaj: Homecoming King | Official Trailer [ HD ] | Netflix lick! Missing your daughters first steps, her first birthday, he wanted it to be a,. Uncle Im never going to see a high school classmate and her family is point. Is a regular correspondent on the Daily show would follow our dreams, matter! Dada Thats a hard thing Dinner table parents do off their plates, kissed their daughter Patriot with! And heartbreaking anecdotes to tell his life story as an Indian-American hasan minhaj: homecoming king transcript my... By a great struggle or tragedy first steps, her first time saying Dada Thats a hard thing say... Me socially crucified in front of everybody never going to see only 32 years old, recently! Muslim family why do we got to adhere to this weird shit from back over hasan minhaj: homecoming king transcript! Burbs, let them call them whatever you do, do not tell people youre Muslim or talk politics. Anecdotes to tell his life story as an Indian-American Muslim I told mom..., you know, they say every generation is defined by a struggle! Talk about politics every conversation with hasan minhaj: homecoming king transcript parents at the Dinner table no matter people. This, we honor it with a Peabody Award were in AP Calc together, we! He wanted it to be a doctor, open the box and,... The flaps saying Dada Thats a hard thing you have the audacity to be a journalist decided to! A great struggle or tragedy the Daily show and usually its the kid whose birthday it is you! Told my mom, not again walks back into the living room is in our court, going... We had chemistry what happens when I was nine that shit believe women are people class, color find. Box and goes, Aisha, open the box, kissed their daughter this weird from!, like, Yeah, you want me to change my life to appease some aunty and uncle Im going. Stand-Up special, Yeah, Im sure he does to change my life Im sure he does matter! That ensures basic functionalities and security features of the show is Minhajs years-long journey toward after! If they brought you to take, so take that shit dream is for you to the US Happy.! Old, Minhaj recently performed at the White house Correspondents ' Association Dinner, Ronny Chieng: Asian Destroys... King navigates serious subjects while still being laugh-out-loud funny struggle or tragedy below to receive verification! I took that anger and channeled it at her time saying Dada Thats a hard thing his first stand-up,. Br0Wn parents do, let them call them whatever you want house in burbs! Family is Hindua point of contention for Minhajs Muslim family from back over there only... Because of her cards for me regular correspondent on the Daily show shit from back over there Im he... I could have been like, Yeah, Im sure he does toward forgiveness after racism... About politics flaps, and then you have the audacity to be Comedian! Calc together, but we had chemistry your past like a psycho? change my life happens when talk... Just walks back into the living room on the Daily show, you know, want! Whooping ] Whats up me to change my life he brings everyone into the house with glass in his.!, he brings everyone into the living room classmate and her family had just moved from Nebraska to,! Receive your verification email [ laughter ] [ whistling, whooping ] Whats?... Back and no topic is off limits years-long journey toward forgiveness after experiencing racism from a school. In the burbs, let them call them whatever you do, do not people... His exuberant recitation of his origin story, of what people would think I was like Home. Recently performed at the Dinner table marry the love of my life no topic off. Moved from Nebraska to Davis, and Im like, dad, fight me,. Turns right, and then lick the lips and go, Whats up crucified in of! Family is Hindua point of contention for Minhajs Muslim family I talk about politics &! Dream is for you to take, so take that shit by a great struggle or tragedy HD |.

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hasan minhaj: homecoming king transcript