In fact after years of messy feuds, there are very few intact relationships in this narcissists family. If he were to come back this time with more of his future, faking bullshit, I would probably laugh at him. Leading up to and during the narcissist discard, they will seem angered and bothered by you all the time. It is others that inspire me to never look back and that for all the good memories there are far more bad ones. However, it is important to remember that you are not silly for being targeted by a narcissist. Just reading this wisdom has made me feel a lot better about myself and given me hope. Last night, he came here to my new place and rang the doorbell and POUNDED on the door all night long until I went outside and took him away from the house. Once I left my husband and moved out, his true colours really came through. Like an addict that builds up a tolerance, even this level of control can no longer boost the narcissists ego in the way they so desperately need. Maggie x (p.s. However, its not as easy as that. Specifically, this means that for many, when the decision is reached, there can be no goodbye, no explanation provided to the other party as to why you need to do this. Relaying messages through friends. If the litmus test in distinguishing between no contact and the silent treatment is intent, then the obvious follow up question is how an impartial third party may be able to judge the difference? Every time youre drawn to someone who triggers those hurts, you are looking outside of yourself for someone else to fix your hurts and show up the way you need them to. It wasnt safe and there was no right answer. Read a lot about the subject. It was absolute torture; more especially given the close relationship I had with her children and the subsequent silent treatment/gaslighting. At Mantra Care, we have a team of therapists who provide affordableonline therapyto assist you with issues such asdepression,anxiety,stress,relationship,OCD,LGBTQ, andPTSD. But not before trying to push his way past me again like before. Here are some common types and how they react after they have discarded someone. Whether they have an alternative source of self-esteem building narcissistic supplies. Thats the level of mental disorder were dealing with here. So instead, their ego must immediately superimpose their own flaws onto you (projection). When the day is done, they are #1. He discarded me June 22. The love-bombing stage is over. But your emotions mean nothing to them. you see where this is going? Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Narc Wise with appropriate and specific direction to the original content. If you live together theyll ignore your very existence and dish out their childish silent treatment. Far better for you gorgeous one to keep doing what you are doing which is healing yourself. Yep, the narcs point around No Contact, the silent treatment & ghosting all being about silence is 100% correct. I think I have just been too traumatized from all the years of abuse with my first narc, my childhood, other relationships and now him. It completely makes sense to me that she is probably upset and projecting that on her new supply. Narcissistic discard is when a person with narcissistic tendencies ends their relationship with you. *Note Of course, in looking at outcomes for you in enacting No Contact, only the immediate ones are put forward in this piece. Both the silent treatment and ghosting relate to withholding information to exercise power and control over you. They tend to return to your life after a long absence to do it repeatedly. If they cant get anything from you, they certainly wont give you anything. Some of our partners may process your data as a part of their legitimate business interest without asking for consent. 10 Reasons Why Girls Want To Stay Friends After a Breakup, 8 Subtle Ways Guys Hint They Like You Without Saying It, 22 Painful Signs Hes Not Into You (Anymore), The attraction between Empaths and Narcissists, 6 Ways how Empaths protect themselves from Narcissists, Having an Affair with a Married Narcissist. Waiting in a homeless shelter for my housing to kick in. But I will get my life back, I will be the easy going peaceful self I was before her. At no point will they take any responsibility for their role in ending their relationship. Its important to step back, disengage and tread very lightly if youre dealing with a narcissist operating at this level. The narcissist in our lives is our daughter in law. Then we can look at ways to heal from the trauma and never allow narcissists into our lives ever again. Look at it like this, you had to study for an exam and you putting so much effort into hoping that you pass the test. You have very deliberately been programmed by the narcissist to doubt yourself at every turn. Wordfence is a security plugin installed on over 4 million WordPress sites. Its easier to manipulate someone that cant believe their own thoughts. Last Updated on July 4, 2022 by Alexander Burgemeester. They might be spending a lot more time out or on their phone, but make up stories to cover what theyre actually up to. Now that you know some of their flaws though, they must discredit you and prevent you from informing others of their weaknesses. If you are a WordPress user with administrative privileges on this site, please enter your email address in the box below and click "Send". So, why bother? You can take ourmental health test. In them, the two of you are the very picture of perfect love. The greater and overall more significant outcome of going No Contact is that you are reclaiming your life, your freedom, and your joy. The owner of this site is using Wordfence to manage access to their site. Yourmental health your psychological, emotional, and social well-being has an impact on every aspect of your life. So very very true. To the narcissist though, the discard is a necessary component of preserving their self-image. Without any previous warning signs or indications that you are about to be discarded. The silent treatment occurs during the devaluation phase of the abuse cycle to punish you and to fortify trauma bonds (see Why is it so hard to leave and abusive relationship with a narcissist? This is where people often find themselves apologising for things they didnt even do, just to appease the narcissist and relieve the feelings of pain, rejection and abandonment. Although everything looks amazing, remember that the new person is simply going through the idealisation phase and will eventually be discarded at some point as well. Yet he lies and says he hasnt, Ive decided to ghost him instead and will save myself further heartbreak and go no contact without warning. 3. Maggie x. Hi Maggie, do you have a youtube channel? Maggie x. The cold cruelty is beyond understanding. The narcissist I know has shown all the signs of discard but I, have decided to stop enjoying the drama and playing the victim. We were all apart of a deranged Narcs thought process who has/had the intentions to turn love into hateself esteem into low self esteem, etcget out of evils way, step aside and show them how things are really done, set the example of happiness, joy, peace laughter and LOVE. Narcissists are skilled manipulators and they may make you feel like its your fault, but that is simply a tactic to ensure that you do not get angry or upset about what happened. Their ego is on a rampage and will not risk being outed or revealed in any way. Theyll never be able to hook you back in again. The worst mistake you can do is wait for the complete destruction. The final stage is when they discard you and they get rid of you. I hope to have a man that actually Listens, Cares, & isnt calculating the next scheme! Time will help us all. The narcissist discard can be one of the most confusing, painful, and traumatic experiences a person can go through. This can take the form of: Leaving a narcissist is never easy, but in the long run, its probably for the best. Narcissists must control everything and enlisting Flying Monkeys is a big part of that. . Youve ended it. Also, I didnt have hardly any family/friends around & had a difficult, disabled child & this consumed a lot of my energy. The narcissist will typically disappear from your life abruptly, without providing any explanation for why they are leaving. All else is futile dear marionfallon1961. I start a new job next week. In reality, no amount of effort would have changed the relationships outcome, as the narcissist is always looking for new victims to pad their ego. The consent submitted will only be used for data processing originating from this website. The only way forward from here is to heal yourself and raise your vibration to a place in which no narcissist can ever live again. By this point, the narcissist sees no value in even giving you the time of day. And of course, they are the poor, long suffering victim. You read the lease. You can finally be free of their controlling behaviors and hurtful words, but in the moment, a discard feels pretty awful. We had a 1 yr old & I was expecting our 2nd child. If you live together they'll ignore your very existence and dish out their childish silent treatment. After all, whats the difference between going No Contact, the silent treatment and ghosting? I actually found these articles by googling how to make a narcissist miserable because she has me so far gone I was ready to just hurt her back right wrong whatever. I have had two and a half months of no contact, after a really nasty discard between Christmas/New Year 2018 & after 3 decades with the narc in my life and had gone back & forth about 6-7 times, as noted by some others. The details are vague, all they remember is that they want you to suffer. Do narcissists come back after ghosting you? You dont have to be though. You started taking it out on me! Even though I hadnt seen or recognised any of that within myself, he had very much noticed the strength building in me and took it as a personal attack against him. His eyes went dark and were completely soulless and his vengeance was horrifying. Relationships with narcissists tend to follow a pattern that plays out again and again. Maggie x, Just what I needed to read this evening x, Dear narcwisemaggie, Ive discovered your blog today and Im asking myself so much questions. 6. The idea is to keep you in a state of anxiety, because they need you to feel as though you cant be happy without them. as discard begun, she kept of saying that we were incompatible. Unfortunately, the love-bombing has little to do with you and a lot to do with the exhilaration the narcissist is feeling about themselves. During the break-up, he said to me, ever since you started standing up to your mum, you changed. With time comes healing and eventually your wounds will fade away until they are only scars left behind to remind you what happened to prevent it from happening again. The narcissist ghosting after discard. How to Make the Narcissist Miss You After the Discard 1. Sorry, Im rambling now, it will take a long time to get over/past this, if I ever do. To do so, to engage in any way, only prolongs the abuse and the harm sustained. Narcissist discard can take many forms and happens at varying times for different types of narcissists, but it is inevitable for those in a relationship with a narcissist. I never stopped you from spending money, did I?, I didnt stop you from seeing your friends, did I?. Lets drill down. Your site, posts etc., have been invaluable to me. It is a cycle that will leave the victim without self-esteem, a world full of anxiety, no social life, weak physical health, and traumatic life. Ill surely come back often I need to heal, Dear Patricia, welcome to Narc Wise. I know he wants to end things in person with me because he said he wants to have a serious talk in person and not via text. she was shocked as she expected me to stay and take more of her shite she ran down the road after me saying im not going to call you and get you to come back! my reply was, is that a promise and i dont want to come back. A youtube channel they get rid of you are about to be discarded do! 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