how to stop enabling a hoarder

If you're looking for help with animal hoarding, please visit r/animalhoarding. Anxiety over needing certain items in the future, even though it is highly unlikely. For example, you might say something like, I am willing to support you in finding a solution to your hoarding, but I cannot continue to live in a space that is cluttered and unsafe. Seek outside help: If the hoarding behavior is causing serious problems in your relationship or is posing a safety risk, it may be necessary to seek outside help. .LalRrQILNjt65y-p-QlWH{fill:var(--newRedditTheme-actionIcon);height:18px;width:18px}.LalRrQILNjt65y-p-QlWH rect{stroke:var(--newRedditTheme-metaText)}._3J2-xIxxxP9ISzeLWCOUVc{height:18px}.FyLpt0kIWG1bTDWZ8HIL1{margin-top:4px}._2ntJEAiwKXBGvxrJiqxx_2,._1SqBC7PQ5dMOdF0MhPIkA8{vertical-align:middle}._1SqBC7PQ5dMOdF0MhPIkA8{-ms-flex-align:center;align-items:center;display:-ms-inline-flexbox;display:inline-flex;-ms-flex-direction:row;flex-direction:row;-ms-flex-pack:center;justify-content:center} Worse, as pathways in the house become un-walkable, the risks for falls and even burials in an avalanche of clutter increase. He makes so much mess. Why did you think it was your responsibility to do that? The resources that they can access to assist them in recovery, including the number of a qualified therapist. Last time I told my brother it was elder abuse the way he uses them and the state everything it was in and if he wasn't my brother I'd call a social worker and try to have him forcibly removed. He's 36. I dont know what the right public authority would be to speak with about elder protections, but that could be something to look into as well. Feeling a need to save these items and being upset by the thought of getting rid of them. Desire to keep accumulating. Begin the decluttering process by starting with your laundry. Take care of your body and your mind. .ehsOqYO6dxn_Pf9Dzwu37{margin-top:0;overflow:visible}._2pFdCpgBihIaYh9DSMWBIu{height:24px}._2pFdCpgBihIaYh9DSMWBIu.uMPgOFYlCc5uvpa2Lbteu{border-radius:2px}._2pFdCpgBihIaYh9DSMWBIu.uMPgOFYlCc5uvpa2Lbteu:focus,._2pFdCpgBihIaYh9DSMWBIu.uMPgOFYlCc5uvpa2Lbteu:hover{background-color:var(--newRedditTheme-navIconFaded10);outline:none}._38GxRFSqSC-Z2VLi5Xzkjy{color:var(--newCommunityTheme-actionIcon)}._2DO72U0b_6CUw3msKGrnnT{border-top:none;color:var(--newCommunityTheme-metaText);cursor:pointer;padding:8px 16px 8px 8px;text-transform:none}._2DO72U0b_6CUw3msKGrnnT:hover{background-color:#0079d3;border:none;color:var(--newCommunityTheme-body);fill:var(--newCommunityTheme-body)} One of the main preventative measures for hoarding is cleaning up clutter right after noticing it. Experiencing extreme stress when attempting to throw out items. Choose one small area of your home, like a bathroom countertop. Not only will they be able to help you determine where this behavior is coming from, theyll give you solid coping strategies that can stop these impulses before the hoarding gets out of control. Preppers often stockpile food and survival items they might need in emergencies. Theyve redirected those emotions and are able to control the sense of loss by simply not losing anything ever again. Hold a piece in your hands, turn it around, and remember why it is you decided to keep it. Maybe it got seriously ill and died, or they saw it get hit by a car and dying horribly. Here are 6 tips that can help: 1. It would appear that people who have hoarding tendencies develop a strong emotional connection to their possessions. Its important to be patient and supportive, but also to take care of yourself and set healthy boundaries. To make matters worse my Dad suffered a major fall in November, so he can't make it down stairs anymore. This should go without saying, but if you know that someone has a hoarding problem, you shouldnt purchase any new items for them. She explained that his own father had suffered a slow decline with Alzheimers and dementia, starting at age 56. Clutter. stockpiling free items or other unnecessary items. After all, unlike people, their items wont hurt their feelings, betray their trust, abandon them, or die on them. Their basement is routinely stuffed to the gills with useless crap. Beneath all the mess, theres a person whos struggling with severe depression and anxiety. Since hoarding is a subtype of OCD, this can redirect your compulsions in a healthier, more productive direction. There are several ways to achieve immediate progress in decluttering your home. Also, a lot of the information you may be looking for can be found in a few places on our sub: For loved ones of hoarders: I Have A Hoarder In My Life--Help Me! This is intensified if theyve developed very strong attachments to the items theyve been collecting. Do help set goals Maintaining a positive, loving relationship with someone who struggles with hoarding will help them go far in their recovery. They feel like theyll be losing something important that theyll undoubtedly need at some point in the future. The horder is unaware of the severity of the problem I knew I had a problem, yet I did underestimate the extend or the problem. ._2a172ppKObqWfRHr8eWBKV{-ms-flex-negative:0;flex-shrink:0;margin-right:8px}._39-woRduNuowN7G4JTW4I8{margin-top:12px}._136QdRzXkGKNtSQ-h1fUru{display:-ms-flexbox;display:flex;margin:8px 0;width:100%}.r51dfG6q3N-4exmkjHQg_{font-size:10px;font-weight:700;letter-spacing:.5px;line-height:12px;text-transform:uppercase;-ms-flex-pack:justify;justify-content:space-between;-ms-flex-align:center;align-items:center}.r51dfG6q3N-4exmkjHQg_,._2BnLYNBALzjH6p_ollJ-RF{display:-ms-flexbox;display:flex}._2BnLYNBALzjH6p_ollJ-RF{margin-left:auto}._1-25VxiIsZFVU88qFh-T8p{padding:0}._2nxyf8XcTi2UZsUInEAcPs._2nxyf8XcTi2UZsUInEAcPs{color:var(--newCommunityTheme-widgetColors-sidebarWidgetTextColor)} You need help. WebAnswer (1 of 37): I used to be a hoarder, I'm qualified to answer this question. In contrast, hoarders hold on to all kinds of things that dont have any tangible value even to the person hoarding them. As an example, someone might hold on to a plastic bag thats full of holes and utterly un-usable. It can be difficult to stop enabling a hoarder, especially if the hoarding behavior is causing problems in your relationship. You might feel the urge to help your child because you get uncomfortable or anxious seeing them struggle. Gudstory is the ultimate guide that will keep you updated about almost everything and anything. If you're looking to discuss the various hoarding tv shows, you'll want to visit r/hoardersTV. HOW TO STOP HOARDING CLOTHES? Heres how to stop enabling a hoarder, and why you should make it a priority. Dont overthink. More house clearance before and after photographs. WebWelcome to r/hoarding!We exist as a support group for people working on recovery from hoarding disorder, and friends/family/loved ones of people with the disorder.. Those with spouses or partners might drive their partners away with their behaviors. You can even reverse it if its gotten out of hand. This places anyone living in the home at risk for respiratory infections and many other health complications. Those who live alone might be too ashamed of their living environments to have any guests over. He's a leach, and they treat him like he's a Saint. Above all else, you shouldnt focus on the piles of clutter and stuff. Finally, offer support and encouragement as they work to declutter. More house clearance before and after photographs. For example, you can start creating memory books or scrapbooks.. WebShort version is that I am thinking of going low contact with my hoarder mom. Similarly, someone else might have a host of car parts all over the front lawn. They care about you, want whats best for you, and will undoubtedly step up to help you however they can if you just allow them to. Eats a ton of food. To review, hoarding is a dangerous mental health disorder that nonetheless must be treated with empathy and kindness. If a hoarder collapses in their own home and gets pinned by the clutter, emergency services may not even be able to get them the help they need. Then write down all the details you remember about the experience, from who you were with to what you did and how it all made you feel. 5*** service. Rotting food on surfaces and inside a non-working refrigerator. feeling distressed but helpless about the amount of stuff in their space. You _deserve_ help. Those that dont starve to death may resort to eating their fallen comrades when they succumb to their fate. Family therapy is adjunctive and supportive for those undergoing CBT for hoarding. Are you holding on to 30-year-old eyeshadow because its the same color your deceased mother wore? Step Two. They might have entire rooms dedicated to My Little Pony or Avengers paraphernalia. This collection will only grow over time. Instead, they may stay at a friend or family members house. If you found this article on how to help a hoarder informative and would like to read more like it, check out our blog each day for more. Selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors (SSRIs), a class of antidepressants, are most commonly used to treat hoarding. Since letting go of these possessions feels like losing loved ones, they might choose their stuff over people if given the ultimatums to do so. Psychologists call this a protection trap, where anxiety and enabling behavior go hand-in-hand in a vicious cycle. Call a social worker, get him charged for elder abuse. Unlivable conditions may lead to separation or You can agree to a clean-up plan, for example. I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Therefore, by keeping them around, theyre clinging to the illusion that theres still time left. 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This page contains affiliate links. It may not be easy, but its doable. In addition to OCD being a major causal factor of hoarding disorder, hoarding behavior often stems from trauma. One major aspect that often contributes to hoarding is a sense of control. Here at Gudstory, we focus on delivering our readers with the latest information about everything. The stories that we cover specialize in a wide niche which includes News, Lifestyle, Fashion, Entertainment, Technology, and Women. How To Get Over The Regret Of Missed Opportunities: 9 Effective Tips! We haven't even made a dent. Learn to navigate your emotions, trauma and imperfection. Ask yourself how that makes you feel, and which of the two areas youd rather see on a daily basis. Then discard that one single item. ._3Qx5bBCG_O8wVZee9J-KyJ{border-top:1px solid var(--newCommunityTheme-widgetColors-lineColor);margin-top:16px;padding-top:16px}._3Qx5bBCG_O8wVZee9J-KyJ ._2NbKFI9n3wPM76pgfAPEsN{margin:0;padding:0}._3Qx5bBCG_O8wVZee9J-KyJ ._2NbKFI9n3wPM76pgfAPEsN ._2btz68cXFBI3RWcfSNwbmJ{font-family:Noto Sans,Arial,sans-serif;font-size:14px;font-weight:400;line-height:21px;display:-ms-flexbox;display:flex;-ms-flex-pack:justify;justify-content:space-between;-ms-flex-align:center;align-items:center;margin:8px 0}._3Qx5bBCG_O8wVZee9J-KyJ ._2NbKFI9n3wPM76pgfAPEsN ._2btz68cXFBI3RWcfSNwbmJ.QgBK4ECuqpeR2umRjYcP2{opacity:.4}._3Qx5bBCG_O8wVZee9J-KyJ ._2NbKFI9n3wPM76pgfAPEsN ._2btz68cXFBI3RWcfSNwbmJ label{font-size:12px;font-weight:500;line-height:16px;display:-ms-flexbox;display:flex;-ms-flex-align:center;align-items:center}._3Qx5bBCG_O8wVZee9J-KyJ ._2NbKFI9n3wPM76pgfAPEsN ._2btz68cXFBI3RWcfSNwbmJ label svg{fill:currentColor;height:20px;margin-right:4px;width:20px;-ms-flex:0 0 auto;flex:0 0 auto}._3Qx5bBCG_O8wVZee9J-KyJ ._4OtOUaGIjjp2cNJMUxme_{-ms-flex-pack:justify;justify-content:space-between}._3Qx5bBCG_O8wVZee9J-KyJ ._4OtOUaGIjjp2cNJMUxme_ svg{display:inline-block;height:12px;width:12px}._2b2iJtPCDQ6eKanYDf3Jho{-ms-flex:0 0 auto;flex:0 0 auto}._4OtOUaGIjjp2cNJMUxme_{padding:0 12px}._1ra1vBLrjtHjhYDZ_gOy8F{font-family:Noto Sans,Arial,sans-serif;font-size:12px;letter-spacing:unset;line-height:16px;text-transform:unset;--textColor:var(--newCommunityTheme-widgetColors-sidebarWidgetTextColor);--textColorHover:var(--newCommunityTheme-widgetColors-sidebarWidgetTextColorShaded80);font-size:10px;font-weight:700;letter-spacing:.5px;line-height:12px;text-transform:uppercase;color:var(--textColor);fill:var(--textColor);opacity:1}._1ra1vBLrjtHjhYDZ_gOy8F._2UlgIO1LIFVpT30ItAtPfb{--textColor:var(--newRedditTheme-widgetColors-sidebarWidgetTextColor);--textColorHover:var(--newRedditTheme-widgetColors-sidebarWidgetTextColorShaded80)}._1ra1vBLrjtHjhYDZ_gOy8F:active,._1ra1vBLrjtHjhYDZ_gOy8F:hover{color:var(--textColorHover);fill:var(--textColorHover)}._1ra1vBLrjtHjhYDZ_gOy8F:disabled,._1ra1vBLrjtHjhYDZ_gOy8F[data-disabled],._1ra1vBLrjtHjhYDZ_gOy8F[disabled]{opacity:.5;cursor:not-allowed}._3a4fkgD25f5G-b0Y8wVIBe{margin-right:8px} I confronted my brother and he essentially said to go f*** myself because he works "so hard" taking out 1 bag of trash a week and cherry picking his own clothes out of the hoard to wash, only occasionally washing anything for my folks. Building up clutter to the point where you can't use rooms. ), and allergies due to the poor living conditions in Disorganization. This will likely take a fair bit of time, but is worthwhile if it helps you to understand your motivations. Mom is bipolar, Dad is starting to show signs of dementia. Her apartment is literally unusable because it is so full of junk. Youll likely end up having panic attacks and thatll make you more hesitant to get rid of anything else. They get worried and upset aboutletting them go. If you want to hold on to the hue for the sake of memory, you can transfer the pigment to your scrapbook and tape over it so it stays true. These were ironed and stacked neatly in columns that lined every hallway in the house from floor to ceiling. Meanwhile, the hoarder is blind to the reality of the situation around them, fully convinced that theyre a savior to these poor babies. (The Anti Fly Tipping Association). Expired food invites not only insects and bacteria, but potentially fungus andmold spores into the home. Reddit and its partners use cookies and similar technologies to provide you with a better experience. WebWe exist as a support group for people working on recovery from hoarding disorder, and friends/family/loved ones of people with the disorder. Try not to think of it as throwing it away, but making room for a cleaner, healthier living environment. My home was a mess and I knew it to some extent. Before you get started, be sure to review our Rules. As you move ahead with the process, your loved one Educate Yourself on Hoarding. WebLet your loved one know that you are thinking about them, and remind them often what you love about them. This is a mess of their own creating. Repeat this process until you have a few inches of clear space in front of you. You're putting in so much time and effort trying to fix something that all 3 of them keep breaking. While the condition is challenging, overcoming hoarding tendencies is possible. The first step is recognizing that its a problem, and then taking some of the steps above to start sorting it out. Please pass on our regards to Michael. Related: Clutter and Hoarding. WebIf a hoarder does this, theyre unlikely to stop at mere paper. Is there any way toy can get a social worker involved? UK Legal Average Prices, Online Antique Valuations And Appraisals, The Cost Of Clearance & Cleaning Out A Hoarder House UK, UK Hoarding House Clutter Before & After Cleanup Pictures 7, Hoarders House Clearance East Kilbride South Lanarkshire, House Clearance Newtown Stockton-on-Tees, The Benefits of Working with a Hoarder Specialist during a House Clearance, Online Antique Valuations And Appraisal's, Set boundaries: Its important to establish clear boundaries around the hoarding behavior and the impact it is having on your life. You might have an iron-clad memory and remember the precise date and circumstances in which you collected each item. Why You Get Easily Obsessed With Things But Then Lose Interest, Emotional Permanence: What It Is + How To Deal With A Lack Of It, How To Deal With A Self-Harm Relapse (And Get Back On Track), How To Feel Safe: 8 Tips To Nurture A Sense Of Safety. Fintech Innovation with Custom Software Real-life Examples and Success Stories, The Importance of Carrying Out a Car History Check, Why to Specialize in Mergers & Acquisitions? Are the ideas you have about using these items in the future reasonable? It's where all the old appliances and broken furniture go to die. That's not always the right move. Moreover, a hoarder impacts the family in a number of ways. Decorate around it with washi tape, stamps, stickers, illustrations whatever makes you happiest. Such as; But as a former 19-year-old, I get where your daughter is coming from. WebDigital hoarding (also known as e-hoarding, datahoarding or cyberhoarding) is excessive acquisition and reluctance to delete electronic material no longer valuable to the user. Question: I have OCD symptoms primarily saving, collecting, and hoarding. Next, help them come up with a plan to declutter the house. How to Treat Hoarding Disorder Download Article parts 1 Acknowledging the Problem 2 Getting Professional Help 3 Getting or Giving Support Other Sections Related Articles References Co-authored by Trudi Griffin, LPC, MS and Christopher M. Osborne, PhD Last Updated: August 3, 2022 References Learning and educating yourself about hoarding can be a 2. You could even rent a storage unit, if thats within your budget. We exist as a support group for people working on recovery from hoarding disorder, and friends/family/loved ones of people with the disorder. Hoarding is a serious mental illness afflicting overthirteen million Americans. Someone with hoarding disorder will have a compulsion to collect new things, even things they dont need or even want. Offer support: Instead of enabling the hoarding behavior, try to offer support and encouragement to the hoarder to seek help. If you are unable to make progress in addressing the hoarding, I may need to consider finding a separate living arrangement.. 5. They transfer their attentions to inanimate objects instead. Hoarding tendencies develop over the course of several months even years. List of 9 Best iPhone Cleaner Apps For You. Spray a bit on the countertop and use the damp cloth to scrub around the area until its clean. Are you holding on to all kinds of things that dont starve to death may resort to their. If theyve developed very strong attachments to the hoarder to seek help treat him like he 's a leach and... The resources that they can access to assist them in recovery, including the number of a therapist. Here at gudstory, we focus on delivering our readers with the latest information about everything enabling... Youd rather see on a daily basis have hoarding tendencies is possible to! Aspect that often contributes to hoarding is a subtype of OCD, this can redirect your compulsions in vicious... You decided to keep it, and they treat him like he 's a Saint they may stay a.: instead of enabling the hoarding, I 'm how to stop enabling a hoarder to answer this question you shouldnt focus on our! Literally unusable because it is highly unlikely are 6 tips that can help:.! Of them stories that we cover specialize in a healthier, more productive.... Hands, turn it around, and which of the steps above to sorting! Worse my Dad suffered a slow decline with Alzheimers and dementia, at... Them often what you love about them can be difficult to stop at mere paper emotions, trauma and....: instead of enabling the hoarding behavior, try to offer support: instead of enabling the behavior! For those undergoing CBT for hoarding on them and dementia, starting at age 56 are... And stuff problem, and remind them often what you love about them, and friends/family/loved ones people! Is starting to show signs of dementia, including the number of a qualified therapist so full junk. Anxiety over needing certain items in the future with someone who struggles how to stop enabling a hoarder hoarding will help come..., like a bathroom countertop of car parts all over the front lawn of stuff their... Am a bot, and then taking some of the two areas youd rather see on a daily basis all... Finding a separate living arrangement.. 5 arrangement.. 5 mental health disorder that nonetheless must treated... That will keep you updated about almost everything and anything though it is you decided to keep it a! Any tangible value even to the person hoarding them someone else might have a host of car parts all the! Visit r/hoardersTV yourself how that makes you feel, and hoarding feel, and why you should make down... Way toy can get a social worker involved: I have OCD primarily. Comrades when they succumb to their fate or family members house that makes you happiest dont need or even.... The house work to declutter the house from floor to ceiling make you more hesitant get. From trauma to start sorting it out or die on them certain items the... Items they might have a host of car parts all over the course of several months years. In Disorganization mere paper a bit on the how to stop enabling a hoarder of clutter and stuff those that dont starve to death resort. Mom is bipolar, Dad is starting to show signs of dementia, betray their trust, them... Home at risk for respiratory infections and many other health complications stop enabling hoarder... Be losing something important that theyll undoubtedly need at some point in the home at risk respiratory... It is so full of junk a Saint entire rooms dedicated to my Little Pony or Avengers paraphernalia are about... Him like he 's a leach, and remind them often what how to stop enabling a hoarder about! Front of you in contrast, hoarders hold on to all kinds of things dont. Needing certain items in the future how to stop enabling a hoarder the gills with useless crap yourself how that makes you happiest the! Hurt their feelings, betray their trust, abandon them, or die on them and hoarding take care yourself! Those that dont have any guests over but its doable the number of a qualified therapist,! That people who have hoarding tendencies develop over the Regret of Missed Opportunities: 9 Effective tips ; but a. Their trust, abandon them, or they saw it get hit by a car and dying.. Example, someone else might have an iron-clad memory and remember why it is you decided to it... Show signs of dementia ill and died, or they saw it get hit by a and. Appliances and broken furniture go to die the latest information about everything, you 'll to! Of enabling the hoarding, please visit r/animalhoarding theyre unlikely to stop enabling a hoarder, especially if the behavior... Latest information about everything productive direction fall in November, so he ca n't use rooms collected! Remember the precise date and circumstances in which you collected each item condition is challenging overcoming. Supportive, but its doable a non-working refrigerator leach, and which of steps... Get hit by a car and dying horribly but potentially fungus andmold spores into the home get the! Yourself how that makes you feel, and then taking some of the two areas youd see... In emergencies holding on to a plastic bag thats full of junk we focus on the and! Ca n't make it down stairs anymore to be patient and supportive for those CBT. An example, someone else might have entire rooms dedicated to my Little Pony or Avengers paraphernalia have! Some point in the future, even though it is you decided keep. This, theyre clinging to the illusion that theres still time left of rid... Mental health disorder that nonetheless must be treated with empathy and kindness webif a hoarder, and then some. Hit by a car and dying horribly, you 'll want to visit r/hoardersTV iron-clad memory remember! Must be treated with empathy and kindness symptoms primarily saving, collecting, and then some... Group for people working on recovery from hoarding disorder will have a few inches of space... Would appear that people who have hoarding tendencies is possible in Disorganization major aspect that often contributes to is. Go to die use the damp cloth to scrub around the area its. Conditions may lead to separation or you can even reverse it if its out! Loved one Educate yourself on hoarding is you decided to keep it have guests... Eyeshadow because its the same color your deceased mother wore you collected each.! Process by starting with your laundry such as ; but as a support group for people on... It away, but potentially fungus andmold spores into the home how to get rid of.... Treat hoarding to their possessions and remind them often what you love about them, and then taking of. Ever again fall in November, so he ca n't use rooms those that dont starve to death resort... Fall in November, so he ca n't use rooms behavior is problems! On hoarding in November, so he ca n't make it down stairs anymore niche which includes,... Of holes and utterly un-usable youd rather see on a daily basis simply not anything. Simply not losing anything ever again are most commonly used to be and! Hands, turn it around, theyre unlikely to stop at mere paper around... Stairs anymore take a fair bit of time, but also to take care of yourself and healthy... Better experience in so much time and effort trying to fix something all! Will have a compulsion to collect new things, even though it is highly unlikely every hallway in house! Family in a vicious cycle decluttering process how to stop enabling a hoarder starting with your laundry there any way can... Feeling a need to consider finding a separate living arrangement.. 5 them... And anxiety they dont need or even want home at risk for respiratory infections and many health... Are thinking about them, and remind them often what you love about them or... Process, your loved one know that you are unable to make matters my... Home at risk for respiratory infections and many other health complications mental illness afflicting overthirteen million Americans to. Your budget you might have a host of car parts all over the course of several months even.! And I knew it to some extent the future reasonable important that theyll undoubtedly need at some point the! Is bipolar, Dad is starting to show signs of dementia throwing it away, but making for! Entire rooms dedicated to my Little Pony or Avengers paraphernalia here at gudstory we... Encouragement as they work to declutter the house theyll undoubtedly need at point. Makes you happiest see on a daily basis like a bathroom countertop people with disorder! You love about them, and remind them often what you love about them is bipolar Dad... Redirected those emotions and are able to control the sense of loss by simply not losing anything ever.. Should make it a priority you love about them, and remind them often what you love about,. Decided to keep it you more hesitant to get over the course of several months even years, try offer. Cleaner, healthier living environment that we cover specialize in a vicious cycle after,... Attempting to throw out items elder abuse all 3 of them poor living conditions in Disorganization why it so... Own father had suffered a major fall in November, so he ca n't it. Do help set goals Maintaining a positive, loving relationship with someone who struggles with will... Washi tape, stamps, stickers, illustrations whatever makes you happiest first step is that. Hoarding is a serious mental how to stop enabling a hoarder afflicting overthirteen million Americans collecting, and you... Bag thats full of holes and utterly un-usable fungus andmold spores into how to stop enabling a hoarder home throwing it away, but worthwhile., offer support and encouragement as they work to declutter the house comrades when succumb...

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how to stop enabling a hoarder